The Unbroken Trail

You would think that I would try to write my 'resolutions' post slightly closer to the beginning of the year, but no. I wait till the month is almost over. I'm a wee bit slow, and it takes me a while to ponder things...

I have had so much fun walking to work this month, because we have finally started to get our snow. This last week has been great, because it has snowed almost every night, leaving me a fresh white canvas to decorate as I walk to work each morning - and taking the dog for walks each afternoon this week has been far too amusing, because each day as we pass our tracks from the day before, I can laugh at the meandering path we left behind, and at all the snowbanks he dove into, leaving dog-shaped trenches in his wake.

Looking back at my tracks is always fun, but even better is seeing the virgin snow ahead of me, and creating new trails - shaping them, and sending them where I wish - breaking a path for those who will follow me later in the day, occasionally leaving foot long black scars in the powder when a treacherous bit of ice catches me off guard, but then catching myself, and forging ahead.

Looking forward to the year a head of me is a bits scary - imagine looking down from the top of a mountain you have never skied, you don't have a map of the trails, and nothing is marked. You have a general idea of where you are going... down. Eventually all the trails will take you back to the lodge, and sure as gravity pulls you down, one way or another December will come back around. But like those ski resorts, there are a thousand different ways to get to the bottom, and it may very well end up being a very interesting ride down for this novice skier.

Luckily, I can see about a third of the trail in front of me, but after that, my known path comes to an end. It splits off into a hundred different paths, each of those forking again and again. I will have to choose which I will follow, knowing each one brings their own sets of blessings and curses - grand vistas and blind spots, gentle slopes and black diamonds.

I'm grateful to have another four months of work left here - time enough (I hope) to get my footing, study the terrain ahead of me and prepare for some of the the challenges that I know lie ahead of me - loosing my job, leaving behind people I have grown to care about, selling my home, finding a new job, moving into a new place and meeting new people. Each of these tasks faced individually is challenge enough for me; putting all of them together will make for quite the year.

So for 2010 my goals are a little different than they have been in the past. Sure, I am planning to carry over last years goals just to see how many more I can finish. But this year, like my cousin, I am primarily going to work at applying Sister Hinckley's motto to my life. Luckily, in pursuing these, I am more likely to accomplish more of my past goals.

1. Jump in with both feet: As I start facing these decisions, I want to do them right - nothing half hearted. I want to take a more active responsibility for where I end up. If I am holding back throughout the year, how many opportunities will I miss? How much joy will I lose? This year, hopefully less than before.

2. Develop friendships: This has always been a challenge for me - I am very much an introvert, and can be very self-contained. Because of my discomfort in 'imposing' myself on others I have lost out on many valuable friendships in the past, but I am only robbing myself, and I don't want to miss out on any more.

3. Feed the Spirit: Do I need to justify this one? If this was something the Prophet's wife was working on, how much more do I need it? Even the greatest testimony will weaken and crumble if not tended - but taken care of, it will flourish and produce fruit beyond our expectations.

4. Live the abundant life: Honestly, I need to be more aware of the opportunities around me to participate in life, instead of observing while it passes by. There are so many chances to make the world a better place and to create opportunities to serve. I also think part of this is recognizing the abundance that we already enjoy - each of those million tiny miracles that fill each day.

In spite of the occasional 'freak-outs' that hit me when I look ahead to that first bit of the unknown, I know enough of my abilities to know that I will be fine. I may fall (spectacularly) halfway down a surprise black diamond, but I will get back up, brush myself off, find my skis and continue on my way with yet another story to blog about.

In fact, barring an avalanche (or a really big, poorly placed tree), at the end of this year I am pretty sure I will have left a trail that I will be able to look back on for many years to come.

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Step one: Finish my resume.