Hubris

Once upon a time, I mocked people like me. Not overtly of course, but I was rather smug.

I enjoyed every season of the year, but most especially spring and fall, I could sleep soundly through the night, and I relished every breath of fresh air.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back perhaps I should have knocked on wood more often, or been a bit more sympathetic. This time, karma seems to have caught wind of my "superiority," and has brought it back to bite me in the backside.

Now, I can't wait for fall to hurry past in hopes that winter will bring relief. My sinuses fill up during the night, waking me nightly. And I am always half afraid to breathe deeply, fearing that I will be breathing in whatever the heck it is that I am allergic to.

Allergies!!!

I never used to have allergies - I very much enjoyed that fact!! But over the last few years I have slowly become aware of an ever increasing response to something. Probably several somethings. At first it was just a tickle, a few sneezes and a short term runny nose... I was able to maintain my state of denial and later I blatantly lied to myself, refusing to believe I could succumb. However, given a few years to stew, that minor annoyance has morphed into a full blown reaction that makes denial impossible. Puffy eyes, clogged sinuses, post nasal drip, and worst of all, the eternal itching of my nose and throat. I could handle all the rest, but my throat itches!! It is honestly insane! Ok - Uncle! I give! Mercy!! I admit I have allergies and all the allergy sufferers of the world have my most sincere apologies for my previous lack of sympathy.

I know I need to get in and see a doctor, and get things figured out, especially since Claritin and Sudafed don't touch it. But admitting this online is still not quite real. Admitting it to a doctor makes it official. I guess I still need to be humbled some more. Meanwhile, because I get to sleep in tomorrow I am going to go take a Benadryl and hope it helps.

Uno.

Two anniversaries on one day! Hooray!!

First, its been an entire YEAR since I started this blog, and mostly, I have managed to keep it going. Pretty good for me :) Especially since this is post #69. That means I have averaged more than one post per week. Weird!

Second is only notable because of this morning. 5 years ago today I lit my hot water heater for the very first time, the day before school started (my very first day), and I burned all the hair off my arm in a small gas explosion. This morning I had to light it again, the day before school starts again. BUT, I didn't burn any hairs at all. I have progressed!

Trivial, I know. But I thought I should at least make a nominal effort to celebrate the whole 1 year thing. Now lets see if I can make it to two...

Meh.

I really haven't felt like posting much lately, even though there are (semi) post worthy things going on. I feel more like I have slowly slipped into a quietly simmering vat of apathy and am content just to stew in it. I just don't care enough to actually do anything. Well, anything productive that is...

But anyways, some of what I have been doing over the last two oh-so-exciting weeks. Soccer has started back up, and we won our first game. Always a good thing. Work is starting up again as well - I managed to survive the first two days of staff meetings, and while our new Principal isn't my favorite new person (he really likes the cheesy motivational stuff), I think he will do a pretty good job. I am working on finishing up my presentation for the teachers, which I will present tomorrow. I have been working with some colleagues from the East coast on a work related project. And I have been spending all sorts of money I don't have, partly on back to school shopping, and mostly on a new toy tool.

That is really the most exciting thing. I have a new camcorder. Not that I plan to do too much with it, mostly it is a work tool. It is the only way I can do any sort of self analysis, and in order to get better, I need to get to work! I decided to break down and buy one while I was in Philadelphia. So once I got back, I hurried out and went through with it before I could chicken out or decide to indefinitely postpone the purchase while I did some 'research.' (I am very good at that, research is a GREAT way to postpone a decision!)

And, even though it is mostly a work tool, who knows... maybe one of these days you might see some video posted up here... frightening thought!

Dr. Horrible

Bwahahahahaha! I know, I know, this just proves how nerdy I really am sometimes. But this just made me laugh. So I thought I would share it.

If it has started to suck you in, you can watch the whole thing on Hulu. (I need to find an appropriate curse for whoever introduced me to Hulu. Big trouble.) It even has captions there :) Happy thoughts!

A rather intense week...

Philadelphia was amazing. It was also depressing and inspiring, exhausting and invigorating, painful and yet oh, so comfortable. No wonder I was drained at the end of it though, what with so many conflicting emotions and feelings crammed in all at the same time. I am rather surprised my head didn't explode - it felt like it would sometimes. Why these particular feelings? Let me tell ya :)

Comfortable: It was so nice to be able to interact with colleagues at last. I don't think I had seen another interpreter face to face in over a year, and I was suddenly dropped into a crowd of nearly 3000. It's hard being so isolated, because interpreting is such a huge part of my life, and not to have anyone to be able to discuss issues with, someone who actually understands what is going on and who values and studies the same things is frustrating, and rather lonely. It seems that every time I get students coming to observe I practically turn into a chatterbox. Bizarre - I mean, this is me we are talking about. Really, the closest I come to professional interaction on a regular basis is yahoo groups and vlogs. Oh, the joys of small town life. Honestly, it was hard to leave. One week was far too short. It will be another full year at least before I have the chance to get back together with any kind of interpreting peer group.

Painful: There were some points during the week that I nearly thought my eyes would melt from the strain and that my head might actually be better off if disconnected from my body. Going from limited exposure to sign one minute, to full blown 100% ASL the next was a big shock to my system. It takes a while to build up a 'tolerance' to taking in so much information visually (your eyes require muscle use, your ears don't), and my eyes were so fatigued by day three that they would start twitching every time I closed them or tried to rest. Seriously amusing. Plus, I turned off my brain at the beginning of the summer, and it hurt when I jolted it awake with a week of intense classwork!

Invigorating: It really was exiting to be surrounded by so many skilled people, and to think that I am part of that group, even if only on the fringe of the organization. We had so many fun presenters and entertainers come to perform: D-PAN, Lillian Beard (at 100 years old she is the oldest living certified interpreter!) and Alan Abarbanell. There was an awful lot of cheering and laughing and yelling and clapping. I almost lost my voice! The funniest part (this is where you will realize just how odd I am) was the business meeting. I had never really seen Parliamentary Procedure in action, and this meeting strictly followed Roberts Rules of Order. I couldn't help laughing and giggling throughout the entire 8 hours that it went on (it was split into two days...) every time someone would get up with yet another Point, or with a motion to amend the amendment under discussion... it felt so incredibly ridiculous to be spending so much time on so many tichy little details... but I could see the value of the process at the same time.

Exhausting: Like I said before, it is really hard to suddenly switch from focusing on auditory input and focus on visual input - and it is really tiring. Every time I go to these conferences I expect to be bushed from the first morning on. Even when I was an ITP student and we would spend a week at the 'local' Deaf school, just spending half our days fully immersed would wear us out so that we were taking naps on a regular basis, and going to bed rather early considering we were college students. Plus, being in classes from 8am till about 9-10 every night... it wears you out a bit. Of course it didn't help that my dad got to sleep in every morning, and then liked to watch TV while I tried to sleep at night. The second night, I invested in a eye mask and some earplugs, and I swear there were times when I could have interpreted the TV show right through the earplugs AND the pillow I had over my head. Eventually I was just so tired from everything that I got to the point that I could just sleep.

Depressing: Shocking I know, but I did find myself feeling discouraged and depressed for the first few days of the conference. Seeing SO MANY amazingly skilled interpreters all together made it very difficult not to recognize the limits of my ability. Every time I tell people the reason why I found the conference so discouraging they don't seem to understand - because I am the only interpreter they really have the chance to see and because they are rather biased (family... of course they are biased) therefore, I must be the best ever. I can do no wrong. In reality, it is rather frustrating to hear that, especially when I can see very clearly what level my skills are at, and I can see where so many others are, where I should be. Rather like musicians - to a lay person with no classical exposure, average and great musicians seem equally talented and impressive, but the more training and exposure you posesse, the more sharply you recognize even the subtle differences. At this point, I at least have enough training to recognize how very much I don't know, and how very far I have to go. It can get depressing to see so clearly how "bad" or "not as good" you are, and it kind of feels unethical to accept a job interpreting for a student when I know he should have a MUCH better interpreter. But, ethical or not, I am not leaving my job, especially when there is only one year left of it.

Inspiring: The best part about these conferences every two years is that they renew my ambitions. I am not normally an ambitious person, but when I see the potential - when I see how good I might become in spite of how average I am now... it makes me rather ambitious. I am an adequate interpreter. I do my job, and I do it fairly well. But I want to be a great interpreter. I believe that if I am not doing the best I can, I am doing a dis-service, and if I am not willing to take the opportunity to become better when I can, I am being unethical. So as I sit in these classes I start thinking... Hmmm. I should go to Gallaudete and get a MA in ASL Interpreting (only university in the world to offer one). Then I should go to another grad school and get a second MA in Interpreter Teaching. THEN I should certify as a Master Mentor. AND THEN (or somewhere along the way...) I should become fluent in Spanish too. A little over the top perhaps, but as they say "if you reach for the heavens, you get the stars thrown in." So maybe I won't get all of these. Maybe I won't get any, but at least in my pursuit of "greatness" I might become a bit better. I think maybe that would be a good thing.

Amazingly, I did get out of the hotel once or twice. The first night we were there, my dad and I went for a short walk to find some dinner, and the next morning we walked to china town for breakfast - but after that... I really didn't even leave the hotel for a breath of fresh air. Thank goodness there was a Starbucks right in the hotel - their pastries and hot chocolate kept me awake and alive. It wasn't until the conference was over and I was done with the last forum that I got out into the air - on the shuttle back to the airport. Luckily, from there we rented a car and drove a couple of hours north to visit my Aunt for a couple of days. It was so nice to be able to get out and see the real Pennsylvania, not just the middle of the big city (from out a window). And you want to know the best part of all? (other than seeing family, nothing beats that!) The fireflies. I am crazy about fireflies, and I got to sit out on her back porch and watch them sparkle to my hearts content. Yay!