"The fault, my dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves."

Why?

That is the cosmic question we all want answers to, isn't it? Why is that, just as I have saved up enough money to begin the projects I dreamed of starting last year, and just finished drawing up the plans for my deck, the transmission in my not-so-trusty oldsmobile decideds to force me to spend my hard earned money elsewhere?

I've spent the last two weeks trying desperately to blame my bad luck on something. Anything. Just so I can have some place to focus and vent my frustration at the twists and turns of life. Something to shake my fist at. I wondered for a while if I should blame fate, or maybe karma. But then I thought - I really don't think I can blame the Fates for making me indefinatly postpone my projects. I just can't see the three weavers of greek mythology worrying about whether or not my doors shut. And really, it can't be karma either. Contrary to popular belief, I only pretend to be mean. I would never actually take someones hopes and crush them in my hands right before their eyes. That's just rude. I can't even blame the car itself. Blaming inanimate objects just doesn't make sense to me.

No. There is only one place I can lay the blame, and that is squarely at my own feet. For not buying my materials sooner. For not being willing to go into more debt. For listening to that annoying voice of reason that insisted I trade in my olds before the transmission failed. For getting my hopes up that I might finally be able to redo my deck and enjoy more privacy. For daring to dream of new doors and a draft free winter. I should have known better.

Meanwhile, I have some rather conflicted emotions. On one side, I have a really cool car that I really like and it should last me a while. On the other side, I am now in debt (I hate debt!) and I am stuck with a really ugly deck and bad doors. Grrr!