Saying No

Making big decisions has always been a bit of challenge for me - for as long as I can remember life altering choices have always been accompanied by lots of stress. Luckily they don't come up that often. What major I should pick, should I serve a mission or go back to school - stuff like that. I guess the Lord decided that after a prolonged vacation from the insanity I needed a bit more practice, because he gave me another big one.

One week ago today (almost to the hour) I got an email offering me an incredible job. In some ways pretty similar to what I am doing now, interpreting for a lone deaf student in a mainstream school in an area with little to no Deaf community, my favorite kind of work. However, in every other way it was completely different. This job would be in Jakarta, Indonesia. I would be working at an international school, employed by the family of the deaf student, have housing provided, and be going on week long field trips to exotic locations - places like Bali. Or going on other field trips to go snorkeling.

Saying that I have always wanted to go to South East Asia is like saying Pele is a good soccer player. It's true, but vastly understated. A job offer like this is literally a once in a life time opportunity - and they offered it to me.

This choice was very much the proverbial "Two roads diverging in a wood" - Frost says he took the one less traveled by, but when you actually sit down and analyze each option, both paths are quite similar, and equally good. They just go different directions. Choosing to go would be an invaluable experience, but would postpone my long term goals an extra year.

It felt like I would need a much more precise scale to weigh these choices - something far more sensitive, more precise and accurate than my own ability. As much as I could, I tried to rely on the Spirit for help, because this choice isn't one that I could reliably make on my own.

As I tried to make this choice I spent a lot of time writing, trying to organize my thoughts and make things a little clearer. An analogy that came up in my musings is one that still has me wondering a bit. "... Is this job like some sort of incredible, decadent dessert being waved under my nose, presented on a golden platter - tempting me to overeat and pass on the nutritious meal waiting for me in the kitchen. Or is this the main course, incredibly delicious and amazingly affordable?"

I still don't know which of the two it was - but I did check a new first off my list. I turned down the job offer.

Yeah... This is pretty much how I am feeling right now. In spite of knowing that my decision was really the best one to make, I am still calling myself ten kinds of idiot for passing up this opportunity, because odds are, nothing like this will ever come my way again - but what it comes down to is that I have to trust my guide, because he is one with the map.

So, where am I going?
Yeah. All I know is that Jakarta has been taken off the list.